PRATYUSHA
A story of Call Girl
Prologue: The
Architecture of Hearts
Love, they say, is a temple built in
the heart. But what happens when the architect and the deity never meet? What
becomes of prayers whispered to an altar that exists only in dreams?
This is not a story of love found,
but love transformed—a meditation on devotion so pure it transcends the need
for reciprocation, so complete it finds fulfillment in its own surrender.
In the bustling arteries of a city
that never sleeps, where glass towers scrape the belly of heaven and hearts
beat in rhythm with traffic lights, two souls were about to discover that the
most beautiful love stories are often the ones that end before they truly
begin.
Chapter 1: The
Arrival
The Morning That
Changed Everything
The city awakened like a giant
stirring from uneasy dreams, its concrete chest rising and falling with the
breath of a million lives. Traffic lights blinked their colorful mantras—red
for pause, amber for hope, green for the eternal rush toward somewhere else.
At the intersection where four roads
converged like destiny's crossroads, time held its breath.
And in that suspended moment, he
stepped off the bus.
Not with the hurried desperation of
the usual commuter, not with the weight of another mundane Monday pressing on
his shoulders. He moved with the fluid grace of someone who understood that
life was not about reaching destinations, but about the poetry found in the
journey itself.
His name was Arjun, though the city
would never learn to call him by it. At twenty-two, he carried himself with the
quiet confidence of someone who had already glimpsed eternity in a stranger's
smile, who had learned that true wealth lay not in what you possessed, but in
what possessed you.
The morning light caught the red
stripe on his polished black shoe—a single brushstroke of rebellion against
conformity. His white shirt was pressed to perfection, tucked into tailored
black trousers that had never known a wrinkle. But it was his eyes that truly
set him apart—eyes that saw beauty where others saw routine, poetry where
others saw prose.
The twenty-story glass tower before
him reflected his approach like a mirror expecting its most important visitor.
The building seemed to lean forward slightly, as if recognizing someone it had
been waiting for without knowing why.
He walked through the chaos of the
street—past the tea vendor whose kettle sang of morning hopes, past the fruit
seller whose voice carried the music of simple commerce, past the mechanic
whose radio played forgotten love songs to an audience of engines and spare
parts.
But he was not part of this rushing
world. He moved through it like a river through stones, shaped by the landscape
but never losing his essential nature. The crowds parted unconsciously before
him, as if sensing they were in the presence of someone who belonged to a
different story altogether.
The security guards straightened as
he approached, though he had never worked in their building. His smile was
enough—not the practiced pleasantry of professional courtesy, but something
deeper, a recognition that passed between souls who understood the art of
seeing and being seen.
The glass doors whispered open, and
he stepped into the marble-cooled silence of the lobby. Behind him, the city
exhaled, as if it had been holding its breath during his passage.
He had arrived.
But to what, exactly, neither he nor
the universe quite yet knew.
Chapter 2: The
Elevator's Gift
When Gravity
Becomes Poetry
The elevator doors parted with a
mechanical sigh, revealing not the empty chamber he expected, but a world
transformed. Five or six people stood within those mirrored walls, but only one
existed.
She stood near the back corner, and
the universe rearranged itself around her presence.
Her name was Pratyusha, though he
would not learn this for many chapters yet. She was barely twenty, but carried
within her the timeless quality of women who have always existed—in ancient
paintings, in classical poetry, in the dreams of men who understand that beauty
is not seen but recognized.
The soft pastel of her dress seemed
to have been chosen by dawn itself, complementing skin that glowed with the
warmth of a temple at sunset. Her hair fell in waves that moved to their own
rhythm, independent of the elevator's mechanical ascent, as if touched by winds
from a more poetic dimension.
His eyes began their pilgrimage
without permission—from the graceful arch of her eyebrows to the delicate curve
of her collarbone, from the way her fingers held a manila folder like a sacred
text to the pointed elegance of her black heels that seemed to barely touch the
elevator floor.
She faced forward, unaware that
behind her, a man was being rewritten by her mere existence.
This was not the aggressive gaze of
possession, but the reverent attention of a devotee discovering his deity. His
eyes traced her outline with the care of a calligrapher forming each letter of
a prayer, understanding that some sights are too sacred to be looked upon
carelessly.
The elevator climbed—first floor,
second floor—each level marking not altitude but the ascension of his heart
into territories previously unknown. The mechanical hum of the machinery became
a hymn, the soft ding of each floor a temple bell marking moments of profound
realization.
She stepped out at the second floor.
He followed, though his office lay
elsewhere, as if pulled by gravity that had suddenly shifted its center from
the earth's core to wherever she walked.
They moved in opposite
directions—she to the corner office on the left, he to the one on the right.
The same floor, the same moment in time, but walking toward different worlds.
He stood in the hallway after she
disappeared behind her office door, pretending to check his phone while his
heart learned a new rhythm. The ordinary corridor had become a shrine, sanctified
by her passage.
In those few minutes within the
elevator's embrace, Arjun had discovered something he had been unconsciously
seeking his entire life—not love at first sight, but recognition at first
breath. The feeling that this soul, in this form, at this moment, was why he
had been born.
He walked to his own office with
legs that barely remembered how to carry weight, signed in with hands that
trembled like leaves in a sacred wind. The coffee on his desk would grow cold
as he sat staring at the wall, not seeing the office around him but replaying
those elevator moments like prayer beads through his fingers.
Outside his window, the city
continued its eternal dance of commerce and ambition. But inside his chest, a
temple had been built overnight, and its first prayer was already being
whispered:
Let me see her again.
The architect of this temple was
devotion. The deity was memory. And the first offering was the complete
surrender of his heart to something he could not name but could never forget.
Chapter 3: The
Ritual of Passing
Sacred Geography
In the landscape of the human heart,
some paths become pilgrimages without the walker ever intending such devotion.
What begins as a simple route from point A to point B transforms into something
closer to worship—each step a prayer, each glimpse a sacrament.
Arjun discovered this transformation
in the geography of his daily movement through the office building. The
elevator, that efficient vertical vessel, suddenly became an abandoned luxury.
Why compress the possibility of seeing her into a few mechanical seconds when
he could stretch those chances across the length of stairwells and corridors?
He chose the old staircase beside
her office—not the main one used by rushing crowds, but the quieter one that
curved past her glass-walled world like a river bending around a temple. Three
times a day, this pilgrimage: morning, afternoon, and evening. Each journey
undertaken with the careful casualness of someone who had learned to hide
profound devotion behind the mask of coincidence.
She sat near the front desk of her
office, framed by glass that caught and held light like a photographer's
careful composition. Her chair faced the window, and when the glass door opened
with its soft pneumatic whisper, she would be illuminated from within, as if
the very air around her understood its privilege.
He would walk past—sometimes
carrying papers that gave purpose to his movement, sometimes empty-handed but
wearing the expression of someone with important destinations. Each passage
lasted perhaps three seconds, but in those moments, he gathered enough beauty
to sustain entire days.
One day she wore yellow—the color of
marigolds and morning prayers, of sunshine distilled into silk. Another day, green—like
the first leaves of spring, like the hope that sleeps in winter's heart. And
once, memorably, white—in which she appeared not dressed but clothed in
moonlight, as if she had been painted by artists who understood that some
subjects transcend their medium.
He never stared. That would have
been crude, possessive, the act of someone who wanted to take rather than
receive. Instead, he practiced the art of peripheral devotion—seeing her
completely while appearing to see nothing at all. His eyes would drink in her
presence like a traveler at an oasis, knowing that such moments of refreshment
were rare and must be treasured accordingly.
For a week, this routine became his
religion. The elevator might have been faster, but speed was the enemy of
reverence. The main staircase might have been more direct, but directness had
no patience for the sacred.
In her unconsciousness of his
attention lay the purity of his devotion. She was not performing for his gaze,
not aware of being watched, not complicit in the temple he had built around her
image. She simply existed, and in that existence, gave him something he had
never known he needed: a reason to believe in beauty as a form of prayer.
His colleagues noticed nothing. In
the fluorescent-lit democracy of office life, everyone was equally visible and
equally invisible. But Arjun had learned to see with different eyes—eyes that
understood the difference between looking and witnessing, between seeing and
being blessed by sight.
Each evening when he returned to his
small apartment, he would sit by his window and replay the day's glimpses like
a scholar studying sacred texts. Not with obsession, but with gratitude. She
had given him, without knowing it, the gift of his own devotion—had shown him
that his heart was capable of worship so pure it required nothing in return.
The city sprawled beneath his
window, millions of lives intersecting in patterns too complex for any single
mind to comprehend. But in that vast urban symphony, he had found his single,
perfect note. Not the whole song—just one clear, beautiful tone around which
his entire world could harmonize.
Tomorrow, he would walk past her
office again. And the day after that. Not because he hoped for more, but
because some rituals become necessary for the soul's survival, as essential as
breathing, as natural as the sun's daily journey across the sky.
In the mathematics of the heart,
three seconds multiplied by love equals eternity.
Chapter 4: The
Moment of Recognition
When the
Observer Becomes the Observed
There are moments in every love
story when the universe decides to shift its weight, when the careful balance
between secret devotion and acknowledged reality tips toward something new.
These moments arrive unannounced, like dawn—gradually, then suddenly, then
completely.
For Arjun, this moment came dressed
in red.
She wore a red shirt that
morning—not the red of urgency or alarm, but the red of roses at their peak
bloom, of sunset painting the sky with confident strokes. Paired with black
pants that seemed to flow with her movement like liquid shadow, she looked like
poetry given form, like a verse written by someone who understood the
difference between mere words and incantation.
He walked past her office as he had
done dozens of times before, his peripheral vision automatically adjusting to
frame her presence while his forward gaze maintained the fiction of purposeful
movement. But today, something fundamental shifted in the choreography of their
silent dance.
She looked up.
Not past him, not through him, but
at him—her eyes making direct contact with his for the first time since that
elevator ride that had rewritten his understanding of possibility.
The moment stretched like taffy
pulled between expert hands, sweet and golden and seemingly endless. In her
gaze, he saw not recognition exactly, but something more subtle and more
profound: acknowledgment. She had noticed him noticing her. The observer had
become the observed.
His feet forgot their rhythm for
half a step. His breath caught somewhere between inhalation and surprise. But
he did not look away, did not break the fragile connection that had suddenly
blazed into existence between them. Instead, he offered the slightest of
smiles—not the practiced pleasantry of social interaction, but something more
honest, more vulnerable. A smile that said: Yes, I see you. Yes, you see me
seeing you. Yes, this is happening.
She held his gaze for three
heartbeats—he counted them like a man marking time until his execution or his
salvation—before returning her attention to the documents on her desk. But
something had changed in the quality of her attention, a new awareness that
hummed in the air like the faint vibration of a tuning fork struck once and
still resonating.
He continued walking, but his feet
now touched clouds instead of carpet. Behind him, he felt rather than saw her
lift her eyes once more, tracking his movement with the same careful attention
he had been paying to hers all these weeks.
That night, sleep eluded him not
from anxiety but from a kind of electric anticipation. He replayed the moment
with the obsessive precision of a film editor examining a crucial scene frame
by frame. The exact angle of her face when their eyes met. The way the light
from her office window caught in her hair. The microscopic pause before she had
looked away, as if she too had felt the strange gravitational pull of that
shared gaze.
More significant than what had
happened was what had not happened: she had not looked uncomfortable, had not
seemed annoyed or invaded by his attention. If anything, there had been
something like curiosity in her expression, a question being formed in the
space behind her eyes.
In the privacy of his small room,
with the city's night sounds creating a gentle symphony beyond his window,
Arjun allowed himself a moment of pure gratitude. She had seen him. Not just as
a passing figure in the peripheral vision of her daily routine, but as a person
worthy of direct attention. He had been elevated from background to foreground
in the composition of her awareness.
This was not love—not yet, perhaps
not ever. But it was contact. It was the first word spoken in a conversation he
had been having solo for weeks. It was proof that the temple he had built in
his heart had some foundation in the external world, that his devotion was not
entirely one-sided projection but had found an echo, however faint, in another
consciousness.
Tomorrow, he would walk past her
office again. But now he would do so as someone who had been seen. The secret
was no longer entirely secret. The ritual had evolved from private worship to
acknowledged exchange.
In the darkness of his room, he
smiled—not with triumph, but with the quiet satisfaction of a gardener who sees
the first green shoot emerging from soil he has tended with patient faith.
The conversation had begun.
Chapter 5: The
First Words
Breaking the
Sacred Silence
Courage is a strange creature. It
can sleep dormant for years, then wake suddenly on an ordinary Tuesday morning
and demand immediate action. It pays no attention to careful plans or
convenient timing. When courage stirs, it moves with the urgency of a river
breaking through a dam.
Arjun felt this stirring as he stood
outside his apartment building, watching the early morning light paint the city
in shades of possibility. Something in the quality of the air—perhaps it was
the slight coolness that promised autumn, perhaps it was simply the
accumulation of weeks of wordless connection—told him that today was different.
He walked to the office building
with footsteps that seemed to drum a new rhythm against the pavement. Not the
measured pace of routine, but the slightly accelerated beat of someone
approaching a moment they had been unconsciously preparing for their entire
life.
She was there, seated at her desk,
wearing a black dress that seemed to absorb and reflect light simultaneously.
The morning sun streaming through her office window created a halo effect
around her silhouette, as if she had been positioned by a cinematographer who
understood the profound power of perfect lighting.
But today, instead of walking past
her office and treasuring another glimpse to add to his collection, he stopped.
The universe held its breath.
He pushed open the glass door.
The soft pneumatic hiss seemed
amplified in his ears, like the sound of a temple door opening for the first
time. She looked up from her work, and their eyes met with the force of
recognition—not just of faces, but of destinies that had been circling each
other like binary stars, drawing closer with each orbit.
"Hi," he said, and his
voice carried more weight than such a simple word should bear. "Is there
any job available in your company? Any hiring going on?"
It was a question with multiple
layers—the surface inquiry about employment serving as acceptable social
currency, while underneath it carried the real message: I want a reason to
be in your world. I want to transform these stolen glimpses into legitimate
presence.
Her smile bloomed slowly, like a
flower opening to sunlight. "No... not right now," she said, and her
voice was exactly what he had imagined it would be—soft without being weak,
clear without being sharp, carrying warmth the way a cup of tea carries comfort
on a cold morning.
"Oh... okay, thank you,"
he replied, though gratitude felt inadequate for what had just transpired. She
had given him far more than information about job openings. She had given him
the sound of her voice, the texture of her attention, the gift of direct
communication.
As he prepared to leave, his eyes
caught sight of the landline phone sitting on her desk—black, utilitarian, but
suddenly transformed into an object of infinite possibility. A bridge between
worlds. A way to hear her voice without the complicated choreography of finding
excuses to visit her office.
He memorized the number with the
precision of someone committing sacred text to memory. Seven digits that would
become more important to him than his own birthday, more significant than any
combination of numbers he had ever encountered.
Walking back to his own office, he
felt the fundamental shift that occurs when possibility becomes reality. For
weeks, she had existed in his life as a beautiful constant, like a painting one
admires but never expects to step into. Now, suddenly, the frame had dissolved.
She had a voice. She had spoken to him. She knew he existed not just as a
peripheral figure but as someone capable of direct engagement.
The first words had been exchanged.
The temple of his devotion now had not just an image to worship, but an actual
deity who could speak, who could smile, who could look directly into his eyes
and acknowledge his presence in her world.
That evening, as he sat in his
apartment with the phone number written on a small piece of paper that he handled
like a precious manuscript, Arjun understood that he had crossed a threshold
from which there would be no return. The comfortable safety of anonymous
devotion was behind him now.
Tomorrow, if courage visited again,
he might dare to call that number. Tonight, it was enough to know that the
possibility existed—to know that somewhere in the city, there was a phone that
would ring in her presence, and she might lift the receiver and speak into it,
and her voice would travel through miles of wire and connection to reach his
ear.
The conversation had begun with
"Hi." Where it would lead, neither of them yet knew. But the sacred
silence had been broken, and in its place, infinite possibility had bloomed.
Chapter 6: Voice
Across the Wire
The Poetry of
Distance
Love finds its own technology. In an
age of instant messages and digital connections, sometimes the most profound
intimacy travels through the oldest networks—copper wires carrying electrical
impulses that somehow manage to transport not just sound, but soul.
The next morning, Arjun stood by his
window watching the city wake up, the piece of paper with her phone number held
between his fingers like a prayer card. The seven digits had kept him awake
most of the night, not from anxiety but from the electric anticipation of
possibility. Each number seemed to pulse with its own significance:
2-7-4-5-8-9-1. A combination that would unlock not just a phone line, but
perhaps an entire new universe of connection.
At 9:15 AM, when he knew she would
be settled at her desk with her morning tea, he dialed.
The phone rang once. Twice. On the
third ring, her voice flowed through the receiver like warm honey:
"Hello?"
"Hello... is this Emey
Valley?" he asked, though he already knew the answer. The question was
merely a bridge, a socially acceptable way to hear her voice again.
"Yes, it is," she replied,
and he could picture her sitting at her desk, the morning light creating that
halo effect he had memorized.
"Who is this?" he asked,
though this too was pretense. He didn't need her name to know who she was—she
was the keeper of his dreams, the subject of his daily pilgrimage, the reason
his heart had learned new rhythms.
A pause. Then, like a gift unwrapped
slowly: "I'm Pratyusha."
Pratyusha.
The name settled into his consciousness like a seed finding perfect soil. Not
just a collection of syllables, but a word that now carried the weight of
everything beautiful he had ever experienced. In Sanskrit, it meant
"beloved"—how could he not have known?
"Beautiful name..." he
murmured, and meant it with every fiber of his being. Not as flattery, but as
recognition of something that had always been true but only now had language to
express it.
"Thank you," she said, and
he could hear the smile in her voice, a warmth that traveled through miles of
wire to reach him like sunlight through a window.
But then, as conversations often do
when they drift from the practical toward the personal, the moment became
delicate. He found himself describing what he saw—not just her name, but her
presence. The way she moved like poetry in motion. How her smile could
illuminate an entire office floor. How watching her had become a form of
meditation, a daily practice of witnessing beauty.
The words flowed from him like water
from a broken dam, months of silent observation suddenly finding voice. But
somewhere in that flow, he sensed a shift in her attention. The comfortable
warmth in her voice began to acquire an edge of wariness.
"Here," he heard her say
to someone else, and the mouthpiece was covered. Muffled voices on her end,
then a new voice—male, suspicious, protective.
"Who is this?"
The question hung in the air like a
sword. Arjun felt the weight of reality crash back into his beautiful bubble of
connection. He was no longer a devotee offering prayers, but a stranger who had
somehow crossed an invisible line between appreciation and intrusion.
He hung up.
The dial tone buzzed in his ear like
an accusation. But strangely, he felt no regret. For those few minutes, he had
been connected to her not just by sight but by sound. He had heard her name
from her own lips. He had heard her laugh, had caused her to smile.
That she had grown uncomfortable was
understandable—he was, after all, a voice without a face to her, a mystery caller
who somehow knew too much about her daily existence. But the discomfort was
hers to resolve, not his to prevent. He had not been crude or threatening,
merely honest about the effect her presence had on his world.
That night, as he replayed the
conversation in his memory, Arjun realized that something fundamental had
shifted. The phone call had transformed her from an image he worshipped into a
person he had actually spoken with. She was no longer a beautiful stranger but Pratyusha—someone
whose voice he knew, whose laugh he had heard, whose name he could now whisper
like a prayer.
Tomorrow, perhaps, he would call
again. Not to intrude, but to continue the conversation that had been
interrupted. Not to possess, but to connect. The temple of his devotion had acquired
not just an image and a name, but a voice that could speak back to his prayers.
In the economy of the heart, even a
brief conversation could be worth months of silent devotion. Even a name could
be enough to build an entire cathedral of hope.
Pratyusha.
He fell asleep whispering it, as if the word itself were a lullaby that could
carry him into dreams where telephone wires stretched across the city like
silver threads, connecting every lonely heart to its perfect match.
Chapter 7: The
Daily Ritual of Voice
When Worship
Finds Its Language
Devotion, once it finds its
expression, becomes as regular as sunrise. What begins as a single bold
gesture—one phone call, one moment of courage—quickly evolves into ritual, into
a daily practice as essential to the soul as breathing is to the body.
Each morning, after his pilgrimage
past her office door, after imprinting her image onto his heart like a
photographer developing film in the darkroom of his memory, Arjun would find
his way to the small tea stall near the bus stop. There, among the clatter of
glasses and the gentle hiss of boiling milk, surrounded by the comfortable
anonymity of the city's rhythm, he would dial her number.
The phone calls became a new form of
poetry—not the kind written in books, but the kind composed in real-time, with
her presence as both inspiration and audience. He would describe what he had
seen: the way the morning light caught in her hair like trapped sunshine, how
her green dress made her look like spring personified, the graceful curve of
her neck as she bent over her work.
"You look ethereal today,"
he would say, his voice soft with reverence. "That blue suits you like the
sky suits the horizon—perfectly, inevitably, as if one were created specifically
for the other."
At first, she would listen in
silence, her breathing barely audible through the receiver. Sometimes she would
cover the mouthpiece and speak to someone else in her office, but she no longer
handed the phone away. She had stopped treating his calls as intrusions and
begun receiving them as... what? Compliments? Mysteries? Daily gifts from an
unknown admirer?
He was careful never to cross
certain lines. His descriptions were always respectful, always focused on
beauty rather than desire. He spoke of her the way a art critic might describe
a masterpiece—with reverence, with careful attention to detail, with the
understanding that some things exist primarily to be appreciated rather than
possessed.
"Your smile today could teach
the roses about blooming," he would tell her. "The way you move
through your office is like watching a dancer who has forgotten she's
performing, who moves with natural grace that doesn't know its own power."
Gradually, something shifted in the
quality of her silence. She began to listen not with wariness but with
something that might have been curiosity. Sometimes, he could hear the soft
sound of her setting down her pen, giving his words her full attention. Once,
he was almost certain he heard her stifle a small laugh at something he said
about her red dupatta looking like a flag of victory planted in the territory
of his heart.
The calls lasted only a few minutes
each—long enough for him to offer his daily observation, short enough to avoid
becoming burdensome. He never asked personal questions, never tried to extend
the conversations beyond their natural length. These were not dialogues but
monologues, not conversations but recitations—daily poems offered to a goddess
who had chosen, for reasons he couldn't fathom, to listen.
In the ecosystem of the office
building, life continued its normal rhythm. Colleagues arrived and departed,
meetings were held, deadlines were met or missed, coffee grew cold in forgotten
cups. But threading through this ordinary tapestry was something
extraordinary—a daily ritual of appreciation so pure it transformed both the
giver and the receiver.
For Arjun, the phone calls became a
way of organizing his entire day around beauty. Everything he experienced
between morning and evening was filtered through the lens of what he might
share with her tomorrow. A particularly beautiful sunset became something to
describe to Pratyusha. A song on the radio became a metaphor for the music in
her laughter. The ordinary world transformed into material for tomorrow's poem.
And for Pratyusha, though she never
spoke of it, something was changing too. She found herself choosing her clothes
with slightly more care, arranging her hair with an awareness that somewhere in
the city, someone was paying attention to these details with the devotion of a
botanist studying rare flowers. She was becoming conscious of her own beauty
through the lens of his appreciation.
The phone calls were creating
something neither of them had intended: a relationship built entirely on
admiration, sustained by mystery, deepened by the daily practice of seeing and
being seen. Not love, perhaps—not yet—but something like its preparatory stage,
its rough draft, its possibility sketched in the margins of ordinary days.
Each evening, as Arjun walked home
through the busy streets, he carried with him the satisfaction of having
offered one more prayer to the temple of her beauty. Each morning, as Pratyusha
prepared for work, she wondered what poetic observation the day would bring,
what new way of seeing herself would arrive through the telephone wire.
Neither of them understood yet that
they were collaborating on a love story written in daily installments, composed
in the language of appreciation, performed for an audience of two hearts that
were learning, slowly and without quite realizing it, to beat in harmony.
Chapter 8: The
Test of Absence
When
Disappearing Reveals the Invisible
Every love story contains within it
a moment of testing—not the deliberate trials imposed by circumstance, but the
quiet experiments the heart conducts to measure the depth of its own
investment. Sometimes these tests come dressed as ordinary decisions: to be
present or absent, to maintain a routine or break it, to continue or pause.
Pratyusha's test came in the form of
a simple choice: where to sit.
For days, she had been the unwitting
center of a ritual she was only beginning to understand. The daily phone calls
had revealed to her that somewhere in her building, someone was watching her
with the attention of a scholar studying sacred texts. Someone who noticed not
just what she wore, but how she wore it. Not just how she looked, but how light
moved around her. Not just her presence, but the quality of her presence.
The mystery voice had become a part
of her morning routine, as expected as her first cup of tea. But mystery, by
its nature, creates curiosity, and curiosity demands answers. She needed to
know: Who was this poet of the telephone? This daily chronicler of her
existence? This voice that had begun to sound less like a stranger and more
like... what? A friend? An admirer? Something harder to define?
On Monday morning, instead of taking
her usual seat at the front desk where she was visible through the glass wall,
she chose a different chair—one in the back corner of the office, hidden from
the view of anyone passing in the hallway.
The morning felt different
immediately. The usual rhythm of her workday was disrupted not by any external
change, but by the absence of being watched. She found herself glancing toward
the glass door, not to see who might be passing, but to notice who wasn't
passing. Or rather, who was passing but couldn't see her.
At 9:30, her phone rang. She
answered, expecting to hear the familiar voice beginning its daily recitation
of poetic observation.
Instead, silence.
Then, after a long pause:
"You're not there."
Not "Where are you?" or
"I can't see you." Simply a statement of absence that carried within
it such weight of disappointment that she felt something twist in her chest—not
guilt exactly, but a recognition of power she hadn't realized she possessed.
He hung up without another word.
For the first time since the phone
calls had begun, Pratyusha sat through an entire morning without hearing
herself described in metaphors, without being told that her presence had the
power to transform ordinary moments into poetry. The silence felt heavier than
she had expected.
Tuesday: the same position, the same
hidden seat. The phone rang at the usual time.
"Hello?" she answered.
Again, silence. Then: "Still
gone."
This time, there was something like
grief in his voice. Not the dramatic grief of loss, but the quiet sadness of
someone whose daily source of beauty had vanished without explanation. He hung
up even more quickly than the day before.
Wednesday. Thursday. The pattern
continued.
Each day, she watched the glass door
from her hidden position, noting the shadows that passed—the familiar
silhouettes of colleagues, the hurried shapes of delivery personnel, the
measured pace of security guards. But now she was watching with purpose, trying
to identify which shadow belonged to the voice that had been painting her in
words for weeks.
Each day, the phone call came and
ended in the same way—a brief acknowledgment of her absence, then silence.
By Friday, something unexpected had
happened. The absence of his daily compliments had created a void she hadn't
anticipated. She found herself missing being seen with such careful attention,
missing the gentle ceremony of appreciation that had bookended her mornings. She
had become accustomed to being the subject of someone's devotion, and its
withdrawal felt like the sun deciding not to rise.
But more than that, she had her
answer.
The silence when she disappeared was
more revealing than any words could have been. The phone calls stopped because
he could no longer see her, which meant he was there—in her building, on her
floor, passing her office as part of his daily routine. The mystery caller
wasn't a stranger from across the city, but someone whose path intersected with
hers in the most ordinary way.
Someone who walked past her office.
Someone who worked in her building. Someone who had been hiding in plain sight
while conducting his elaborate campaign of anonymous appreciation.
On Friday evening, as she prepared
to leave the office, Pratyusha made a decision. Monday morning, she would
return to her usual seat at the front desk. Not because she craved the
compliments—though she had to admit she had grown fond of them—but because she
wanted to solve the mystery completely. She wanted to match the voice to a
face, the poetry to its author, the devotion to its source.
She wanted to see the person who had
been seeing her with such transformative attention.
The test of absence had succeeded
beyond her expectations. She now knew not just that someone was watching, but
that their watching had become essential to their own daily rhythm. The calls
had stopped not from indifference, but from the impossibility of describing
something that could no longer be seen.
In the mathematics of human
connection, absence had proven to be the perfect equation for revealing
presence. Her disappearance had made visible the invisible thread that
connected her daily existence to someone else's devotion.
Monday would bring answers. Tonight
brought anticipation, and the strange satisfaction of knowing that somewhere in
the city, someone was missing her exactly as much as she was, surprisingly,
missing being missed.
Chapter 9: The
Revelation of Return
When the Missing
is Found
Monday arrived with the quality of
light that promises revelations. Pratyusha took her usual seat at the front
desk, the morning sun streaming through the glass wall to create that familiar
halo effect around her silhouette. But today, she was not merely present—she
was deliberately present, consciously visible, participating actively in a
ritual she had spent a week studying from the shadows.
She chose her clothes with unusual
care: a soft yellow kurta that caught the light like captured sunshine, paired
with white leggings that made her movements seem to float rather than walk. If
she was going to be watched, she decided, she would give her observer something
beautiful to see.
At 9:30, the phone rang.
"Hello?" she answered, and
for the first time in weeks, she could hear the smile in her own voice.
"You're back." Not a
question, but a statement of pure relief. His voice carried the tone of someone
who had found water after days in the desert. "Yellow today... like you're
wearing dawn itself."
She listened, but now with different
ears. This was not just poetic appreciation flowing through the telephone
wire—this was evidence. He could see her. Right now. From somewhere close
enough to notice the exact shade of her kurta, the way the fabric moved with
her breathing.
"The light loves you
today," he continued, his voice soft with something that might have been
gratitude. "It follows you like it's learned your name."
For the first time since the calls
had begun, Pratyusha found herself looking not at her work, but toward the
glass door. Not searching randomly, but watching with purpose. Somewhere in the
corridor beyond that glass, someone was watching her watching for him.
The call ended as they always
did—with his gentle goodbye and the soft click of disconnection. But today,
instead of returning immediately to her work, she remained still, her eyes
fixed on the hallway outside her office.
At 12:50 PM, like clockwork, a
shadow passed by the glass door.
But this time, she was ready.
The figure moved with familiar
grace—not hurried, not casual, but with the measured pace of someone who had
walked this route so many times it had become choreography. Tall, lean, wearing
a crisp white shirt that suggested careful attention to appearance. Dark hair
that caught the fluorescent light. And something in his posture that spoke of
contained energy, of someone moving slowly because speed would betray the
importance of this particular journey.
He didn't look directly into her
office—that would have been too obvious. But she could see the subtle turn of
his head, the way his eyes moved to take in her presence without appearing to
stare. It was the practiced nonchalance of someone who had mastered the art of
seeing without being seen seeing.
Their eyes met for the briefest
moment—not long enough for conscious acknowledgment, but long enough for
recognition to spark between them. He was handsome in the way that mattered
most: not the aggressive attractiveness that demanded attention, but the quiet
appeal of someone who had learned to carry beauty like a responsibility rather
than a weapon.
He continued walking, disappearing
around the corner toward the stairwell, but something had shifted in the atmosphere
of her office. The air itself seemed to hum with the electricity of discovery.
Him.
She knew with the certainty that
comes not from evidence but from intuition. This was her mystery caller, her
daily poet, her anonymous admirer who had somehow managed to make being watched
feel like being worshipped.
That evening, as she prepared to
leave the office, Pratyusha found herself moving more slowly than usual, her
footsteps deliberate rather than automatic. If her theory was correct, he would
be somewhere nearby—not following her exactly, but existing in the same space,
breathing the same air, perhaps stealing the same kind of glimpses she had
begun to steal of him.
She took the elevator down to the
ground floor, but instead of heading immediately toward the exit, she paused in
the lobby. Through the glass walls of the building, she could see the evening
light painting the city in shades of gold and amber. Office workers streamed
past in both directions—some heading home, others just beginning evening
shifts, all of them carrying their own stories of love and loss and longing.
And there, near the bus stop, she
saw him again.
He stood with his back partially
toward the building, but she could see his profile clearly now—the strong line
of his jaw, the way he held his shoulders, the careful casualness of someone
who was waiting without wanting to appear to be waiting. His phone was pressed
to his ear, but something in his posture suggested the conversation was more
performance than communication.
As she watched, he turned slightly,
and for a moment their eyes met through the glass wall that separated the lobby
from the street. This time, neither of them looked away quickly. This time, the
recognition was mutual and undeniable.
He was beautiful, she realized. Not
in the conventional way that magazine covers celebrated, but in the deeper way
that spoke to something essential in her nature. There was gentleness in his
features, intelligence in his eyes, and something like poetry in the way he
moved through the world.
More than that, there was sincerity.
Whatever his reasons for watching her, for calling her, for making her the
center of his daily ritual of appreciation, she could see in his face that
those reasons came from someplace authentic. This was not the calculated
pursuit of someone who wanted to possess, but the natural devotion of someone
who had learned to recognize beauty and couldn't help but worship it.
She lifted her hand in the smallest
of waves—not a greeting exactly, but an acknowledgment. A signal that said: I
see you seeing me. I know who you are now. The mystery is solved, but the story
doesn't have to end.
He smiled then—not the practiced
smile of social interaction, but something surprised and genuine and
transformative. The kind of smile that changes a person's entire face, that
reveals the boy hiding inside the man, that suggests laughter is always just
beneath the surface waiting for the right invitation.
Pratyusha walked toward the exit,
but slowly, giving him time to decide what happened next. Behind her, through
the glass, she could see his reflection as he hung up his phone and began
walking in the same direction, maintaining the distance between them but clearly,
deliberately, sharing the same path toward whatever came next.
The daily ritual of watching and
being watched had evolved into something more complex: mutual recognition,
acknowledged appreciation, the beginning of something that might, with careful
tending, grow into the kind of love story that cities remember long after the
lovers themselves have become memory.
As she stepped onto the sidewalk, Pratyusha
realized that she was no longer just the observed—she had become an active
participant in whatever beautiful thing was being born between them. The temple
of his devotion had acquired not just a deity, but a deity who had chosen to
acknowledge the prayers being offered in her name.
Tomorrow would bring new
possibilities. Tonight brought the satisfaction of mystery solved and the
anticipation of mystery just beginning.
Chapter 10: The
Canteen Convergence
Where Courage
Finds Its Voice
The next day arrived painted in the
soft pastels of possibility. Pratyusha chose her clothes with the conscious
awareness that somewhere in the building, someone would notice every detail: a
flowing blue dress that moved like water, paired with a delicate silver chain
that caught the light when she turned her head.
But today, she did more than simply
sit and be beautiful. Today, she became an active participant in the dance that
had been choreographed around her unknowing presence for weeks.
At 12:50 PM—the exact time she had
memorized from yesterday's observation—she heard his familiar footsteps in the
corridor. But instead of remaining at her desk to be glimpsed through the glass
door, she stood up.
The timing had to be perfect.
She walked to the water cooler near
her office entrance, positioning herself so that when he passed—as she knew he would—she
would be visible not just as a framed image behind glass, but as a
three-dimensional presence sharing the same air, existing in the same immediate
space.
He appeared right on schedule,
moving with that careful casualness she was beginning to recognize as his
signature. But when he saw her standing there, not behind her desk but in the
open doorway of her office, something shifted in his expression. Surprise
flickered across his features, followed quickly by something that might have
been joy.
Their eyes met—not the brief, stolen
glance of yesterday, but a full, sustained moment of mutual recognition. She
smiled, and watched as that smile traveled across his face like sunrise
breaking over a landscape that had been waiting all night for light.
He continued walking, but now his
steps carried a different energy. Not the measured pace of routine, but the
slightly quickened rhythm of someone whose heart had just learned a new song.
Pratyusha returned to her desk, but
her mind was already moving ahead, calculating distances and timing,
choreographing the next movement in their careful dance of approach.
Twenty minutes later, she made her
way to the office canteen.
The canteen was a democracy of
appetite—colleagues from every floor gathering around small tables,
conversations mixing with the clatter of plates and the general hum of midday
hunger. She ordered sambar rice, a simple choice that would require her to sit
and eat slowly, giving time and space for whatever might happen next.
She chose a table in the center of
the room—not hidden in a corner, not prominently displayed by the windows, but
positioned where she could see the entrance while appearing to be absorbed in
her meal.
She didn't have to wait long.
He entered the canteen with the same
measured grace she had observed in the corridor, but now she could see him in
full context—not just a passing silhouette, but a complete person moving
through space with purpose and attention. He was taller than she had expected,
with shoulders that spoke of quiet strength and hands that moved with the
precision of someone who paid attention to details.
He ordered his food and looked
around the room with the casual assessment of someone choosing where to sit.
But when his gaze landed on her table, something changed in his expression. Not
calculation, but recognition of opportunity. Not planning, but acceptance of
invitation.
He walked directly to her table.
Not to the empty table beside it,
not to the one across the room where he could observe from a distance, but to
her table. To the empty chair directly across from where she sat.
"May I?" he asked, his
voice carrying the same gentle tone she had grown accustomed to hearing through
the telephone, but now enriched by proximity, by the ability to see his face as
he spoke.
She nodded, not trusting her voice
to remain steady.
He sat down, and suddenly the entire
geography of her world shifted. For weeks, he had existed at a distance—a voice
on the phone, a shadow in the corridor, a mystery to be solved. Now he was
close enough that she could see the exact color of his eyes (brown, with flecks
of gold that caught the light), the way his hair fell across his forehead, the
small scar on his left hand that spoke of some forgotten childhood adventure.
They ate in companionable silence
for several minutes, both of them navigating the strange transition from
mystery to proximity. The air between them hummed with everything that had been
said in phone calls and everything that remained unsaid in person.
Finally, she spoke: "You came
to my office one day, asking about jobs... right?"
It was a bridge—a way of
acknowledging their previous interaction without directly addressing the phone
calls, a socially acceptable way of beginning the conversation that would
transform them from strangers into whatever they were becoming.
"Yes," he replied, and she
could hear the relief in his voice. Relief that she remembered, relief that she
was willing to acknowledge their connection, relief that the careful distance
he had maintained was dissolving into something more honest.
"And... now... are there any
openings?" he asked, playing along with the fiction that job opportunities
were what had brought them to this moment.
She stirred her sambar rice, buying
time to choose her words carefully. "Maybe next week. I happened to see
you here today... thought I should let you know."
Happened to see you.
They both knew it wasn't accident that had brought them to the same table at
the same time, but some stories required gentle fictions to help them
transition from possibility into reality.
She leaned forward slightly, closing
the distance between them by another few inches. "Note my number,"
she said, her voice soft but clear. "Call me. I'll tell you the exact date
for the walk-ins."
He opened his phone with hands that
she noticed were trembling slightly—not from nervousness, but from the
controlled excitement of someone whose most cherished hope was suddenly,
impossibly, coming true.
As he typed each digit, she watched
his face with the same careful attention he had been paying to her for weeks.
She saw the way his eyes focused completely on the task, the way his lips moved
slightly as he repeated the numbers to himself, the way his entire being seemed
to center around this simple exchange of information that they both knew was
about much more than job opportunities.
When he finished, she added with a
small smile that carried volumes of meaning: "Don't call the landline
again... just this number."
The sentence hung in the air between
them like a bridge spanning the distance between mystery and acknowledgment.
She knew. Of course she knew. Had probably known for days, perhaps weeks. The
phone calls, the careful timing, the poetic descriptions of her daily
appearance—she had figured it out, and rather than being alarmed or annoyed,
she was offering him a different number. Her personal number. A direct line to
her that bypassed the office, the colleagues, the professional distance that
had made their connection possible but limited.
He smiled then—not the careful smile
of someone maintaining a polite fiction, but the genuine expression of someone
whose devotion had been not just discovered but accepted. Perhaps even
welcomed.
They finished their meals in a
different kind of silence now—not the awkwardness of strangers, but the
comfortable quiet of two people who had found each other after a long search
neither of them had realized they were conducting.
As they prepared to leave, both
returning to their respective offices and the ordinary demands of afternoon
work, something fundamental had shifted between them. The elaborate
architecture of distance and mystery that had sustained their connection for
weeks had been replaced by something simpler and more direct: two people who
liked each other, sitting at the same table, sharing the same air, beginning
the kind of conversation that might, with patience and care, grow into the kind
of love that transforms ordinary lives into poetry.
The canteen around them continued
its democratic chaos of appetite and conversation, but at their table, in the
space between their voices and their shared smiles, something beautiful had
been born.
The mystery was solved. The real
story was just beginning.
Chapter 11: The
Weight of Evening
When Reality
Intrudes on Dreams
Some evenings arrive like gentle
conclusions to well-spent days. Others come dressed as judges, carrying
verdicts we're not prepared to hear. This evening fell into the latter
category, approaching with the weight of revelation that would test everything
Arjun had built in the cathedral of his heart.
Six o'clock shadows stretched across
the pavement as he stepped out of the office building, his heart still humming
with the memory of shared sambar rice and exchanged phone numbers. The
conversation in the canteen had felt like the opening chapter of something
beautiful—a story that had been written in stolen glances and telephone calls
finally finding its voice in direct sunlight.
He walked toward the familiar
staircase beside her office, not from habit now but from hope. Perhaps she
would be leaving at the same time. Perhaps they might walk together to the bus
stop, continuing the conversation that had begun over lunch. Perhaps the
careful choreography of distance that had sustained them for weeks was finally,
beautifully, dissolving into something more honest.
But as he rounded the corner, the
universe presented him with a different kind of lesson.
She was there, descending the same
steps he had climbed so many times in silent pilgrimage. But she was not alone.
Beside her walked a man—not a
colleague in the casual sense, but someone whose presence beside her carried a
different quality of familiarity. They moved together with the unconscious
synchronization of people who had walked side by side before, many times, their
conversation flowing with the easy intimacy of shared understanding.
He was tall, well-dressed, with the
kind of casual confidence that comes from never having had to doubt one's place
in someone else's attention. His hand rested lightly on her elbow as they
navigated the steps—not possessively, but with the natural protectiveness of
someone who had earned the right to such casual intimacy.
They were laughing about something,
their heads bent toward each other in the universal geometry of shared
amusement. Her smile was radiant, unguarded, completely present in whatever
moment they were creating together.
Arjun passed them on the
staircase—three people whose paths intersected for perhaps five seconds, but
those five seconds rewrote everything he thought he understood about his place
in her story.
She glanced at him as they passed—a
brief moment of recognition that flickered across her features before returning
to her companion. Not dismissive, not unkind, but clearly indicating that he
belonged to a different category in her life than the man beside her. He was
someone she knew, someone she had shared lunch with, someone whose phone number
she carried. But this other man was someone she walked with, someone she
laughed with, someone who had earned the right to touch her elbow on
staircases.
Arjun continued walking, his feet
moving automatically while his mind struggled to process what he had witnessed.
The rational part of his consciousness tried to construct innocent
explanations—a colleague, a friend, someone helping her with work-related matters.
But his heart, which had learned to read the subtle languages of affection and
intimacy, recognized something deeper in their easy comfort with each other.
He did not take the bus that
evening. Instead, he walked the entire five kilometers to his apartment, each
step a meditation on the difference between hope and reality, between the
stories we tell ourselves and the stories that actually exist in the world.
The walk took him through the city's
evening transformation—street lights beginning to flicker on, vendors preparing
to close their stalls, the day's heat slowly releasing its grip on the
pavement. But he moved through it all like a sleepwalker, present in body but
absent in spirit.
His small apartment welcomed him
with the familiar silence of walls that had witnessed both his joy and his
disappointment. He sat by his window, looking out at the city that sprawled
beneath him like a constellation of other people's lives, other people's loves,
other people's certainties about where they belonged in each other's stories.
He had her personal phone number
now, carefully entered into his phone like a sacred text. But suddenly that
number felt less like a bridge and more like a question mark. What exactly had
she been offering when she gave it to him? Professional courtesy? Friendly
interest? Or something else entirely?
The image of her walking beside
another man played in his mind like a film loop he couldn't stop. Not because
he was jealous—he had no claim to jealousy, no ownership of her affections, no
right to expect exclusivity from someone who had never promised him anything
more than polite attention. But because it forced him to confront the
possibility that his elaborate construction of devotion might have been built
on a foundation that existed primarily in his own imagination.
For weeks, he had been the author of
their story, writing both parts of the dialogue, creating meaning from glances
and significance from coincidences. He had built a temple around her image and
assumed that her willingness to accept his worship meant she shared his
devotion.
But perhaps she was simply kind.
Perhaps her acceptance of his phone calls had been curiosity rather than
interest. Perhaps her invitation to call her personal number had been nothing
more than the gesture of someone who preferred direct communication to
elaborate mysteries.
Perhaps he had mistaken politeness
for attraction, interest for love, acknowledgment for reciprocation.
The night stretched before him like
an examination he wasn't prepared to take. Tomorrow, he could call her number
and test his theories. He could continue the story he had been writing and
discover whether she had been reading along or simply allowing him to write it
solo.
But tonight, he sat with the
uncomfortable possibility that love, no matter how pure or devoted or carefully
tended, is not always mutual. That sometimes the temple we build in our hearts
houses a deity who never asked to be worshipped, who accepts our prayers with
kindness but offers no salvation in return.
The city hummed with its eternal
rhythms beyond his window, carrying the stories of millions of hearts in
various states of hope and heartbreak. Somewhere out there, she was continuing
her evening with someone who had earned a different place in her narrative than
he had.
And here, in the silence of his
room, Arjun began the difficult process of learning the difference between
loving someone and being loved in return.
Chapter 12: The
Morning That Wouldn't Begin
When the Sun
Rises, But the Heart Remains in Eclipse
There are mornings that arrive like
gentle invitations to begin again, offering fresh possibilities and the promise
of new chapters. And then there are mornings like this one—mornings that feel
less like beginnings and more like continuations of the longest night in
memory.
Arjun's eyes opened not to
awakening, but to the mere cessation of sleep. The numbers on his bedside clock
read 8:45, but time felt irrelevant when measured against the weight pressing
on his chest. The sun had climbed high enough to flood his small apartment with
light, but that light seemed to stop at his skin, unable to penetrate the
darkness that had settled inside him overnight.
He lay still for several minutes,
staring at the ceiling that had witnessed both his hopes and their dissolution.
The familiar cracks in the plaster looked different in the harsh morning
light—not like the abstract art he had sometimes imagined during hopeful
moments, but like fault lines mapping the geography of disappointment.
Eventually, necessity forced him
upright. The body has its demands regardless of the heart's condition, and so
he moved through his morning routine like an actor performing a role he no
longer remembered auditioning for. Shower, shave, coffee that tasted like ash,
clothes that hung on him like costumes for a play he didn't want to be in.
In the mirror, a stranger looked
back at him—someone who shared his features but lacked the light that had
sustained him for weeks. The face was clean but not fresh, awake but not alive,
present but fundamentally absent from its own existence.
He had a choice to make about the
day ahead. He could call in sick, could spend the hours between dawn and dusk
staring at walls and replaying yesterday evening's revelations. He could avoid
the building where she worked, could spare himself the torture of walking past
her office and seeing her again with the clear eyes that yesterday had granted
him.
But absence felt like a different
kind of defeat—the acknowledgment that his devotion had been strong enough to
sustain weeks of one-sided worship but not strong enough to survive a single
evening of reality.
So he went to work.
But he chose a different path
through the building, one that bypassed her office entirely. No more
pilgrimages past her glass door. No more stolen glimpses to fuel his
imagination. No more careful timing designed to maximize the chances of seeing
her move through her daily rituals of unconscious beauty.
Instead, he took the main elevator
directly to his floor and settled into his cubicle like a man checking into a
hotel room where he planned to hide from the world. The fluorescent lights
above his desk buzzed with their usual mechanical indifference, and he found
their harsh consistency almost comforting. At least they made no promises about
beauty or meaning or the possibility that ordinary moments could be transformed
into something transcendent.
His work spread before him—emails to
answer, reports to compile, meetings to attend—and he threw himself into these
tasks with the desperate energy of someone trying to drown out the sound of his
own thoughts. Numbers and deadlines and project timelines became a kind of
meditation, a way of organizing time that had nothing to do with phone calls or
glimpses or the careful choreography of devotion.
His colleagues noticed nothing
unusual. In the democracy of office life, everyone was equally absorbed in
their own professional dramas, their own deadlines and ambitions and small
frustrations. His presence was noted, his work was completed, his contributions
to meetings were adequate and appropriately timed.
But inside, he felt like a ghost
haunting his own life—going through the motions of existence while remaining
fundamentally disconnected from the experience of being alive.
Lunch hour came and went without any
visit to the canteen. The very thought of that space, where yesterday's
conversation had felt like the beginning of something beautiful, now seemed too
loaded with significance to navigate safely. Instead, he ate a sandwich at his
desk while staring at spreadsheets that required no emotional investment and
offered no opportunities for disappointment.
The afternoon stretched endlessly,
each minute marked by the slow revolution of the wall clock that seemed to be
moving through a different kind of time than the rest of the world.
Occasionally, he would catch himself listening for familiar footsteps in the
corridor, would feel his attention drift toward the elevator banks where she
might appear, would find his hand unconsciously reaching for his phone to dial
the number she had given him.
But each time, he pulled his
attention back to the safe confines of his cubicle, to the work that demanded
nothing from his heart and promised nothing in return.
This was what it felt like, he realized,
to live without hope. Not the dramatic despair of tragic literature, but the
quiet gray flatness of a world drained of color and possibility. Everything
continued to function—his body moved, his mind processed information, his voice
responded when spoken to—but the essential spark that had made existence feel
like more than mere survival had been extinguished.
As the day wound toward its close,
he made a decision that felt both necessary and like a small death: he would
not walk past her office on his way out. He would not position himself where
their paths might cross accidentally. He would not create opportunities for the
universe to test his resolve or offer him false hope.
Instead, he would leave through the
back exit, would take a different route to the bus stop, would begin the
process of learning how to exist in the same building as someone he loved
without allowing that love to organize his entire experience of space and time.
The sun was setting as he finally
gathered his things and prepared to leave. Through his window, he could see the
city beginning its transformation from day to night, office windows starting to
glow like scattered stars, traffic beginning to thicken with the exodus of
workers returning to homes and families and lives that existed beyond the
boundaries of professional obligation.
He joined that exodus, but as
someone fundamentally changed from the man who had entered the building that
morning. Yesterday, he had been someone capable of hope, someone whose heart
could transform ordinary moments into occasions of beauty and meaning.
Today, he was learning to be someone
else entirely—someone who could function without the sustaining fiction that
love, if pure enough and patient enough and devoted enough, would eventually
find a way to complete itself.
The city welcomed him into its
evening rhythms with the same indifference it showed to all its inhabitants.
Millions of stories played out simultaneously in the space between buildings
and beneath streetlights, but tonight his story felt like one of the smaller
ones—a brief flicker of devotion that had burned brightly for a few weeks
before being extinguished by the simple reality that not all love stories are
meant to have happy endings.
Some are meant only to teach us
about the capacity of the human heart to create beauty even when that beauty
exists only in the privacy of our own imagination.
Tonight, as he walked home through
streets that no longer seemed charged with possibility, Arjun began learning
that lesson.
Chapter 13: The
Lift Between Worlds
Where Proximity
Becomes Distance
The next morning arrived with the
quality of light that suggests the world is continuing its rotation regardless
of individual human drama. Arjun stood in the lobby of the office building,
watching the elevator numbers climb and descend like a digital heartbeat,
knowing that in moments he would step into that small mirrored box where
everything had begun.
The elevator doors opened with their
familiar mechanical sigh, revealing the same confined space where he had first
seen her, where the entire architecture of his devotion had been constructed in
the span of a few vertical minutes. Today, that space felt different—smaller
somehow, less charged with possibility, more like the utilitarian transport
device it had always been before she had transformed it into something sacred.
She was there.
Standing in the same position she
had occupied weeks ago, wearing a soft cream-colored dress that moved with her
breathing like captured light. Her hair fell in the same waves, her presence
filled the elevator with the same unconscious grace that had originally stopped
his heart mid-beat.
But everything else had changed.
He stepped into the elevator and
positioned himself as far from her as the small space allowed, not from any
desire to avoid her but from a newly acquired understanding of boundaries.
Yesterday evening had taught him the difference between admiration and
assumption, between devotion and delusion.
She looked at him—not the brief,
stolen glance of someone pretending not to notice, but a direct, sustained look
that carried recognition and something that might have been invitation. Her
eyes held questions he had spent the night learning not to answer.
He met her gaze for exactly the
length of time politeness required, then looked away. Not with hostility or
hurt, but with the careful neutrality of someone who had realized that some
conversations are too dangerous to continue, some connections too fragile to
bear the weight of expectation.
The elevator climbed through its
familiar sequence of floors, but instead of feeling like ascension, it felt like
descent into a more complicated kind of reality. Each ding of each floor marked
not progress but the passing of moments they were sharing in proximity but no
longer in possibility.
At the second floor, he stepped out.
She remained in the elevator, and as
the doors began to close, he caught a glimpse of her expression—not angry or
disappointed, but puzzled. The look of someone trying to understand a sudden
change in weather, a shift in atmospheric pressure that had occurred without
warning or apparent cause.
The doors closed between them with a
soft pneumatic whisper that sounded like a period at the end of a sentence
neither of them had meant to finish.
He walked to his office with steps
that carried no hope of glimpsing her through her glass door, no anticipation
of phone calls that would paint her daily beauty in metaphors, no expectation
that the ordinary moments of his workday would be transformed by the knowledge
of her presence elsewhere in the building.
This was what maturity felt like, he
realized. Not the dramatic renunciation of desire, but the quiet acceptance
that some desires exist primarily to teach us about the difference between
wanting and having, between loving and being loved, between creating meaning
and discovering it.
His phone remained silent that
morning. The number she had given him stayed untouched in his contacts, a
bridge to a conversation he had decided not to continue. Not from pride or
anger, but from a kind of protective wisdom that had emerged overnight—the
understanding that some forms of connection are too delicate to survive the
transition from mystery to reality.
In his cubicle, surrounded by the
familiar architecture of professional obligation, he began the process of
learning to live within the smaller but more stable boundaries of a life
organized around work and routine rather than hope and devotion.
It was not a happy life, but it was
a sustainable one. And sometimes, he was beginning to understand,
sustainability was its own form of wisdom.
The elevator continued its
mechanical ascent and descent throughout the day, carrying passengers between
floors with the same indifferent efficiency it had always maintained. But for
two people who had once found magic in that small mirrored space, it had become
just another way of moving through a building, nothing more than the sum of its
mechanical parts.
Some transformations work in
reverse. Sometimes the sacred becomes ordinary again, not through any failure
of imagination but through the simple recognition that not all beauty is meant
to be possessed, not all devotion is meant to be reciprocated, not all love
stories are meant to end in union.
Some are meant only to teach us
about the infinite capacity of the human heart to create meaning from the
smallest gestures, the briefest connections, the most fragile possibilities.
And sometimes, the greatest act of
love is learning when to let go.
Chapter 14: The
Unraveling
When the Temple
Crumbles
Truth has its own gravity. Once it
begins to pull at the edges of our carefully constructed realities, it doesn't
stop until everything we thought we knew has been drawn into its relentless
orbit. For Arjun, this gravitational collapse began with a phone call he
shouldn't have made and accelerated through observations he couldn't stop
himself from collecting.
The number she had given him burned
in his phone like a small sun, radiating possibility and temptation in equal
measure. For days, he had resisted the urge to use it, had maintained the
careful distance that wisdom suggested was necessary for his emotional
survival. But longing has its own logic, and that logic eventually overwhelmed
his better judgment.
He called on a Thursday evening,
telling himself it was about job opportunities, that he was simply following up
on their conversation in the canteen, that his interest was professional rather
than personal.
"Hello?" Her voice carried
the same warmth he remembered, but beneath it he detected something else—a note
of expectation, as if she had been waiting for this call.
"Hi, this is Arjun. From the
other day? You mentioned there might be job openings..."
"Oh, yes," she replied,
and he could hear her settling into her chair, giving him her attention in a
way that felt both encouraging and dangerous. "Actually, I'm glad you
called. There might be something coming up next week."
The conversation that followed
lasted twenty minutes—far longer than any inquiry about employment required.
They talked about work, about the building, about the small observations that
people share when they're testing the waters of deeper connection. Her laugh
came easily, her questions suggested genuine interest, and by the time they
said goodbye, Arjun felt the familiar flutter of hope beginning to stir in his
chest.
But hope, once awakened, demands
feeding. And so he began to watch again.
Not with the devoted attention of
his earlier worship, but with the careful scrutiny of someone trying to solve a
puzzle whose pieces didn't quite fit together. He started to notice things he
had missed during his weeks of single-minded adoration—patterns that had been
invisible when filtered through the lens of romantic devotion.
She left the office at different
times each day, never following a consistent schedule. Sometimes she walked to
the bus stop alone, but increasingly often she was accompanied by different
people—colleagues, certainly, but their interactions carried varying degrees of
familiarity and comfort.
One evening, he saw her waiting by
the main entrance, dressed not in her usual office attire but in something more
elegant, more intentional. A dark-tinted car pulled up, and she climbed into
the passenger seat with the casual confidence of someone who had made the same
journey many times before.
Another night, he glimpsed her
through the window of a restaurant two blocks from the office, sitting across
from a man who was not the same person he had seen her with on the staircase.
They were leaning toward each other across a small table, their conversation
animated, their body language suggesting the kind of intimate engagement that
comes from shared history.
A week later, it was someone else
entirely—a different car, a different companion, the same easy familiarity that
spoke of relationships with depth and regularity.
The pattern emerged slowly, like a
photograph developing in solution. She moved through her social life with the
same grace she brought to everything else, but that grace was not reserved for
any single person. She was generous with her attention, comfortable with
intimacy, willing to share her time and energy across a spectrum of connections
that seemed to shift and change like a kaleidoscope.
There was nothing wrong with this.
Nothing immoral or deceptive or even unusual. She was young, attractive,
socially gifted, and free to spend her time with whomever she chose. In any
objective sense, her behavior was entirely normal—the natural social life of
someone who had learned to move through the world with confidence and openness.
But for Arjun, who had built an entire
cathedral of meaning around the idea that his devotion might be special, might
occupy a unique place in her attention, these observations felt like watching
his most cherished beliefs crumble into dust.
He had mistaken kindness for special
interest, politeness for attraction, her natural warmth for something reserved
specifically for him. The phone calls she had accepted, the lunch they had
shared, the number she had given him—all of it existed within a larger context
of social generosity that had nothing to do with the exclusive devotion he had
imagined.
She was not cruel. She was not
deceptive. She was simply someone who moved through life collecting connections
and experiences with the same unconscious ease that flowers collect sunlight.
His worship had been noticed, acknowledged, even appreciated—but it was not
reciprocated, and it never would be.
This realization didn't arrive as a
sudden shock but as a slow, grinding awareness that settled into his bones like
winter cold. Each new observation added weight to the understanding that he had
been living in a story of his own creation, one in which she was the unwitting
protagonist of a romance that existed primarily in his imagination.
The worst part was that he couldn't
blame her. She had never promised him anything, never encouraged expectations
she couldn't fulfill, never been anything less than honest within the
boundaries of what she understood their connection to be.
The fault, if it could be called
that, lay in the difference between his heart's capacity for singular devotion
and her heart's capacity for multiple affections. He loved like a
monk—completely, exclusively, with the single-minded focus of someone who had
found his one true object of worship. She loved like a gardener—generously,
nurturing many different relationships with equal care and attention.
Neither approach was wrong. They
were simply incompatible.
As this understanding settled into
his consciousness, Arjun felt something inside him begin to break—not
dramatically, like glass shattering, but slowly, like ice beginning to crack
under pressure. The beautiful structure of meaning he had built around her
presence in his life was proving to be less solid than he had believed.
He started drinking.
Not socially, not recreationally,
but medicinally—as if alcohol could numb the sharp edges of disappointment,
could blur the clear lines of a reality he was no longer able to bear in sharp
focus. Each evening after work, instead of walking home through streets that
had once seemed charged with possibility, he found himself drawn to the small
bar near his apartment building.
It was not a romantic establishment.
The lighting was harsh, the music was too loud, and the clientele consisted
mostly of men like himself—people who had discovered that some days required
pharmaceutical assistance to reach their conclusion. He would sit at the far
end of the bar, nursing drinks that tasted like liquid defeat, watching the
television screen without seeing anything it displayed.
The alcohol didn't solve anything.
It didn't make her love him, didn't erase the memory of seeing her with other
men, didn't transform his one-sided devotion into a mutual connection. But it
did something almost as valuable: it made the pain feel distant, like something
happening to someone else in another room.
His body began to show the effects
of this new routine. His skin took on the pale, slightly gray quality of
someone who spent too many evenings in windowless rooms breathing recycled air.
His eyes, which had once sparkled with the light of devoted attention, became
dull and unfocused. His clothes, which he had once chosen with the care of
someone who might be seen by his beloved, began to hang on him like abandoned
hopes.
But still, he continued the ritual
of walking past her office, continued to note what she wore and how she moved
and who she spoke with. The difference was that these observations no longer
fed the fire of worship—instead, they stoked the slower burn of bitter
knowledge.
He saw her laugh with colleagues,
saw her lean close to different men during what appeared to be intimate
conversations, saw her climb into cars driven by people who had earned the
privilege of her company outside the neutral territory of the office building.
Each sighting was both confirmation
of what he already knew and a fresh wound in the place where hope had once
lived. She was not his. She never had been. The temple he had built in his
heart housed a deity who had never asked to be worshipped and who was too busy
living her full, rich, complicated life to notice the prayers being offered in
her name.
His work began to suffer. The
careful attention to detail that had once characterized his professional
performance—attention trained through weeks of devoted observation of her daily
rituals—began to fragment. Deadlines were missed, emails went unanswered,
meetings were attended in body but not in spirit.
His colleagues noticed the change
but interpreted it through the lens of ordinary professional stress. Someone
was having a difficult period, dealing with personal issues, going through a
rough patch. Such things happened to everyone eventually. They offered
supportive words, covered for his mistakes when possible, and assumed that
whatever was troubling him would eventually resolve itself.
But Arjun knew better. This was not
a temporary difficulty but a fundamental shift in his understanding of how the
world worked, how love operated, how hope could transform from life's greatest
gift into its cruelest joke.
The bars of the city welcomed him
with the democratic embrace they offered to all the heartbroken, all the
disappointed, all the people who had discovered that reality was less
accommodating than their dreams had suggested. In the amber glow of alcohol and
the company of other wounded souls, he found a kind of community—not of
healing, but of shared damage.
He was becoming someone he had never
intended to be: bitter, cynical, suspicious of beauty because beauty had taught
him to hope and hope had taught him to suffer. The transformation was gradual
but unmistakable, like watching a photograph fade in sunlight.
And through it all, she continued to
exist in her glass-walled office, continued to move through her days with the
same unconscious grace that had first stopped his heart, continued to be
beautiful and kind and generous with her attention in ways that had nothing to
do with him and everything to do with her own nature.
She was not the cause of his descent
into darkness—she was simply the occasion for it, the catalyst that had
revealed something that was already present in his character: the tendency to
love so completely that disappointment became a form of spiritual crisis.
In the economy of the heart, some
people pay compound interest on their emotional investments. Others learn to
spread their risk across multiple accounts. The tragedy was not that they loved
differently, but that his type of love, when unrequited, had nowhere to go
except inward, where it could only consume the lover himself.
The city continued its eternal
rotation around the axis of commerce and ambition, carrying millions of stories
in various states of completion. But in the small bars scattered throughout its
neighborhoods, in the shadows between streetlights, in the silence of small
apartments where people sat alone with their disappointments, other stories
were playing out—quieter stories, sadder stories, stories that would never be
celebrated but that were no less real for their obscurity.
Arjun's was becoming one of these
shadow stories, and with each passing evening, with each drink that promised
relief but delivered only temporary numbness, he moved further away from the
man who had once been capable of transforming ordinary moments into occasions
of worship.
The temple was crumbling, and he was
both its architect and its sole remaining devotee, watching helplessly as
everything he had built collapsed under the weight of its own impossible
aspirations.
Chapter 15: The
Descent into Shadows
When Love
Becomes Poison
There is a particular kind of
heartbreak that doesn't announce itself with dramatic gestures or operatic
scenes. Instead, it works like slow poison, seeping into the bloodstream
gradually, changing the chemistry of existence so subtly that by the time its
effects become visible, the damage has already reached the vital organs.
Arjun's transformation into this
darker version of himself happened in increments so small that each day felt
like a natural progression from the one before. The evening visits to the bar
became as routine as his morning coffee had once been. The walk home through streets
that had once seemed charged with possibility became a nightly journey through
a landscape drained of color and meaning.
But it was the continued observation
of her life that provided the steady drip of confirmation he both craved and
couldn't bear. Like someone repeatedly pressing on a bruise to confirm it still
hurt, he found himself unable to stop gathering evidence of his own irrelevance
in her story.
One evening, as autumn painted the
city in shades of ending, he saw her emerge from the office building dressed
not for casual dinner or friendly drinks, but for something that demanded
elegance. A deep blue dress that moved like liquid shadow, jewelry that caught
the streetlight like captured stars, hair arranged with the kind of care that
suggested the evening ahead was significant.
She waited by the curb with the
controlled patience of someone who knew exactly when their ride would arrive.
At precisely seven o'clock, a sleek black sedan pulled up, and from the
driver's seat emerged a man who moved with the confidence of someone accustomed
to opening doors for beautiful women.
He was older than the college boys
and young professionals Arjun had seen her with before—perhaps thirty, with the
kind of sophisticated presence that spoke of established success rather than
promising potential. His clothes were expensive without being flashy, his
manner attentive without being servile.
As he opened the passenger door for
her, their interaction carried the weight of familiarity seasoned with
anticipation. This was not a first date or a casual encounter, but something
deeper—a relationship with history and, apparently, a future.
They drove away into the city's
evening traffic, and Arjun stood on the sidewalk feeling like a ghost
witnessing the lives of the living. The confirmation of what he had suspected
for weeks—that her affections were not just distributed among many casual
acquaintances but were developing into something serious with someone who
wasn't him—settled into his chest like a stone.
That night, the bar welcomed him
with its familiar embrace of dim lighting and chemical comfort. But the usual
anesthesia wasn't sufficient. The pain had grown stronger, more specific,
demanding more aggressive treatment.
"Another," he said to the
bartender, who looked at him with the professional neutrality of someone who
had seen every variety of human damage and learned not to offer commentary.
The alcohol burned going down, but
it was a clean, honest burn—unlike the slow acid of jealousy and disappointment
that had been eating away at him for weeks. At least physical pain was simple,
direct, treatable with more of the same medicine.
By the time he stumbled home that
night, the city had transformed into something alien—street lights becoming
blurs of light, building facades melting into abstract shapes, his own
footsteps echoing like sounds from a different dimension. But the altered
perception was preferable to clarity. Clarity meant seeing the world as it
actually was, and that world did not include him in the role he had written for
himself.
The pattern established itself over
the following weeks. Work became something he endured rather than engaged with,
a series of hours to be survived until the evening's promised relief. His
apartment became a way station between disappointment and oblivion, a place to
sleep off one night's damage before preparing for the next.
His reflection in the bathroom
mirror each morning showed a man aging in accelerated time. The face that had
once glowed with the internal light of devotion now carried the gray pallor of
someone whose hope had been replaced by habit, whose dreams had been distilled
into the simple desire to make it through another day without feeling too much.
His clothes, which he had once
chosen with the careful attention of someone who might be seen by his beloved,
now served only the basic function of coverage. Wrinkles went unnoticed, stains
were ignored, the general impression was of someone who had stopped caring
about the impression he made.
But the cruelest aspect of his
decline was that it made him invisible in precisely the way his earlier
devotion had made him hypervisible to himself. When he had been in love, every
moment had felt significant, every interaction had carried the potential for
meaning, every day had been organized around the possibility of connection.
Now, he moved through the world like
a background character in his own life, noticed by no one, affecting nothing,
leaving no trace of his passage except the slowly accumulating damage to his
own body and spirit.
She continued to exist in her bright
world of multiple affections and expanding possibilities, unaware that
somewhere in the same building, someone was dissolving into the shadows cast by
her light. Not her fault—she had never asked to be the sun around which someone
else's entire solar system revolved. Not his fault either, exactly—love chooses
its own forms and intensities without consulting the lover's convenience or
wisdom.
But fault was less important than
consequence, and the consequence was that a man who had once been capable of
transforming ordinary moments into occasions of beauty was learning to
transform beauty into occasions for pain, hope into reasons for despair, love
itself into a kind of spiritual poison that consumed everything it touched.
In the democracy of the city's
nightlife, the bars that stayed open late welcomed all varieties of human
wreckage with equal hospitality. Businessmen drinking away failed deals sat
beside students avoiding failed exams, divorce attorneys celebrating successful
cases next to divorcees mourning failed marriages.
Arjun found his place in this
ecosystem of temporary amnesia, becoming a regular at establishments that
specialized in helping people forget whatever they needed to forget for the
price of a few drinks and the willingness to stop asking difficult questions
about the direction their lives were taking.
The bartenders learned his
preferences, the other patrons nodded in recognition of shared damage, and
slowly he built a new kind of community—not based on hope or aspiration or the
possibility of connection, but on the simple fellowship of people who had
learned that some pain required chemical assistance to become bearable.
It was not a happy life, but it was
a sustainable one, and sustainability had become his only remaining ambition.
To make it through each day, each evening, each night without feeling the full
weight of his disappointment. To function at the minimum level required by
professional and social obligation. To exist without expecting anything more
from existence than the opportunity to continue existing.
The man who had once walked through
city streets like poetry in motion, who had found meaning in the smallest
gestures and beauty in the most ordinary moments, was learning to walk through
those same streets like a sleepwalker—present in body but absent in spirit,
alive in the technical sense but dead to the possibilities that had once made
life feel like a gift worth receiving.
And in the deepest irony of all,
this transformation was motivated by love—not the healthy love that seeks the
beloved's happiness regardless of its own fulfillment, but the wounded love
that cannot bear to witness the beloved's happiness when that happiness doesn't
include the lover.
He was becoming someone he had never
intended to be, and the process was as irreversible as any other form of
chemistry. Some reactions, once begun, cannot be stopped until all the
available elements have been consumed.
Chapter 16: The
Call to Reckoning
When the Heart
Demands Its Final Audience
Pain, when it reaches a certain
intensity, begins to demand expression. Like pressure building in a sealed
vessel, unexpressed anguish eventually finds a way to escape, often through
channels that wisdom would have left closed. For Arjun, that demand for
expression came on a Tuesday evening when the autumn rain seemed to be washing
the last vestiges of hope from the city's streets.
He had been drinking earlier than
usual—not waiting for the protective darkness of night, but beginning his
chemical meditation in the gray hours of late afternoon. The bar had been
nearly empty, populated only by the committed practitioners of midday amnesia
and himself, nursing whiskey that tasted like liquid regret.
The alcohol had done its work
efficiently, blurring the sharp edges of his disappointment until they felt
manageable, transforming the precise pain of unrequited love into something
more diffuse and bearable. But as he walked unsteadily through the evening
streets, his phone felt heavy in his pocket—not with its physical weight, but
with the weight of possibilities he had been avoiding for weeks.
Her number. Still there. Still
unused since that last conversation when her voice had carried warmth and
interest and the promise of connections he now knew she had never intended to
make exclusively with him.
The rain began as he reached his
apartment building, and something about the way it fell—steady, inevitable,
cleansing—made him stop on the sidewalk and reach for his phone. The screen
blurred slightly in his vision, but his fingers remembered the sequence of
numbers that had been burned into his memory like a prayer he couldn't stop
reciting.
She answered on the third ring.
"Hello?"
Her voice carried the same warmth he
remembered, but now he could hear beneath it the slight wariness of someone who
recognized the caller and wasn't entirely sure she wanted to continue the
conversation. In his altered state, this wariness felt like confirmation of
everything he had suspected about his place in her attention.
"Any job vacancies?" he
asked, but the words came out slightly slurred, weighted with something heavier
than professional inquiry.
A pause. Then: "Arjun? Are
you... are you okay?"
The concern in her voice was
genuine, and that genuineness was somehow more painful than indifference would
have been. She cared about him—not in the way he wanted her to care, not with
the exclusive devotion he had offered her, but with the general human kindness
she extended to everyone in her orbit.
"I want to meet you," he
said, abandoning any pretense of professional interest. "Today. Evening.
Office 4 Signal... Bus stop."
He didn't wait for her response. The
need to see her, to have one final conversation where all the careful pretenses
could be abandoned, overwhelmed any concern for her comfort or consent. He hung
up the phone and stood in the rain, feeling the water soak through his clothes
like a baptism into whatever was about to happen next.
The walk to the bus stop felt like a
pilgrimage in reverse—not toward something sacred, but away from it. Each step
took him further from the careful distance he had tried to maintain, further
from the protective numbness he had been cultivating, further from any
possibility of emerging from this encounter with his dignity intact.
But dignity had become less
important than truth, and truth demanded to be spoken, even if—especially if—it
destroyed everything in its path.
He arrived at the bus stop first and
took up position under the streetlight, swaying slightly as the alcohol worked
its way through his system. The evening traffic flowed past in streams of light
and motion, carrying people toward homes and families and lives that made sense
in ways his no longer did.
She appeared twenty minutes later,
walking with the careful pace of someone who wasn't entirely sure she should be
there. She wore a simple cream-colored dress and carried herself with the same
unconscious grace that had originally stopped his heart, but now her expression
carried worry rather than the easy confidence he was accustomed to seeing.
She looked beautiful. Of course she
looked beautiful. The alcohol had done nothing to diminish his ability to see
her clearly, had only stripped away his ability to pretend that her beauty
didn't destroy him a little more each time he witnessed it.
"Arjun," she said as she
approached, and his name in her voice sounded like a question wrapped in
concern. "You sounded... Are you drinking?"
He looked at her—really looked at
her, not stealing glances or observing from careful distances, but studying her
face with the directness of someone who had nothing left to lose. The
streetlight caught in her hair the way morning light had once caught in it when
he watched her through her office window. Her eyes held the same depth that had
made him believe in the possibility of drowning in another person's attention.
But now he could see what he had
missed during all those weeks of devoted observation: the way her kindness had
boundaries, the way her warmth was generous but not exclusive, the way her
beauty was a gift to the world rather than a treasure reserved for any single
admirer.
"Sorry," he said, and his
voice carried the weight of every apology he had never made for all the ways
his love had become a burden rather than a blessing. "For wasting your
time. Because I don't love you. I hate you."
The words came out wrong—not wrong
in the sense that they weren't true, but wrong in the sense that they couldn't
possibly convey the complex reality of what he felt. He loved her so completely
that it had transformed into its opposite, had become a kind of hatred for the
way she existed so easily in a world where he could barely function.
"Yet I live you—every day,"
he continued, the contradiction apparent even in his altered state. "But
you? You are everywhere... with everyone."
She started to speak, but he held up
a hand to stop her. This was his moment, his final opportunity to explain what
it had been like to love someone who moved through the world collecting hearts
like flowers, never cruel, never intentionally harmful, but somehow devastating
in her very generosity.
"I dreamt of growing old with
you," he said, and his voice broke slightly on the words. "White
hair, wrinkled hands, two cups of tea and love that never aged. But now? You
made me cry, every day. You... don't even know what love is."
Her face was wet now—not from the
rain, which had stopped, but from tears that reflected the streetlight like scattered
diamonds. She was crying for him, he realized, but not in the way he had always
hoped she might cry. Not from love, but from the terrible recognition of damage
she had never intended to cause.
"You know price... not
feelings," he continued, though even as he spoke he knew it wasn't
entirely fair. She did know feelings—she felt them generously, shared them
widely, experienced them fully. The problem was that her emotional range was
broader than his, her capacity for multiple connections larger than his ability
to understand or accept such multiplicity.
"You share touches like it's
currency—but I... I touched you without ever touching you... That's love."
She stepped toward him then, her
hand reaching out as if to bridge the distance between them, but he moved back.
Physical contact now would only contaminate what he was trying to preserve—the
purity of his devotion, even as it was destroying him.
"Don't... don't touch me,"
he said. "Don't pollute what I made sacred. Let my love stay
clean—pure—undisturbed by your hands."
The words were cruel, designed to
hurt in the way that only truth delivered with surgical precision can hurt. But
they were also protection—his final attempt to maintain some separation between
the temple he had built in his heart and the reality of her existence as a
person with her own needs, desires, and limitations.
She was crying harder now, and
through her tears she began to speak: "I understand now... Your love...
it's real. I'll change. I'll fix myself. I love you. I want you. Marry me. Let
me live with you—forever."
Forever. The word hung in the air
between them like a promise neither of them was equipped to keep. He looked at
her tear-streaked face, at the sincerity of her desperation, at the way she was
offering him everything he had thought he wanted, and felt only the hollow
satisfaction of a pyrrhic victory.
"Forever?" he asked, and
his smile was not made of joy but of wounds. "Who will live forever?
You... or me?"
She looked confused, as if the
question didn't make sense, as if the obvious answer was "both of us,
together, for as long as love exists in the world." But he had moved
beyond such simple mathematics of affection. His love had become something more
complex and more destructive—not a force that created life, but one that
consumed it.
What happened next occurred with the
inevitability of a chemical reaction that had been building pressure for
months. The small vial of poison he had been carrying in his jacket pocket—not
planned for this moment specifically, but prepared for whenever the pain became
more than his altered chemistry could process—found its way to his lips with
the mechanical precision of someone completing a long-delayed appointment.
The liquid burned going down, but it
was a different kind of burn than the alcohol—cleaner, more final, carrying
with it the promise of an end to all burning. He had researched it carefully
during one of his clearer moments, had chosen something that would work quickly
but give him time for final words.
She realized what was happening
before he collapsed, her scream cutting through the evening air like a siren
announcing disaster. But by then he was already falling, not toward her
outstretched arms but away from them, preserving even in his final moments the
careful distance he had maintained between his devotion and her person.
"I hate you," he whispered
as the poison began its efficient work. "Don't touch me. Don't... taint my
love."
The sidewalk was cold against his
cheek, but the rain had left it clean, and there was something peaceful about
lying there while the city's evening sounds grew fainter and more distant.
Above him, she was crying and calling for help, but her voice seemed to be
coming from very far away, as if she were speaking to him from the other side
of a vast canyon.
He had succeeded, in the end, in
preserving what he had set out to preserve: a love so pure it required nothing
from its object, so complete it could exist independently of reciprocation, so
perfect it could only be maintained by preventing it from contact with the
messy realities of human relationship.
The temple of his devotion would
remain standing, forever frozen at the moment of its greatest beauty, never to
be disappointed by the ordinary complications of mutual affection, never to be
diminished by the compromises required for sustainable love.
As consciousness began to fade, he
felt not regret but a kind of satisfaction. He had loved completely, had
offered worship without asking for anything in return, had created something
beautiful in the privacy of his own heart even if that beauty had proved too
fragile to survive exposure to the world.
The rain began again, gently, as if
the sky were offering its own tears for a story that had ended before it could
properly begin. But some stories, he understood now, were meant to end this
way—not with fulfillment, but with the preservation of perfect devotion in the
amber of memory.
She would remember him not as a
lover who had disappointed her or a relationship that had failed, but as
someone who had seen her with such transformative attention that even his
destruction had been a form of worship.
In the mathematics of the heart,
some equations can only be solved through subtraction. Some love can only prove
its purity by removing itself from the possibility of contamination.
As the city's evening sounds faded
into silence, Arjun felt he had finally solved the problem that had been
troubling him for months: how to love someone completely without requiring them
to love you back.
The answer, it turned out, was
surprisingly simple.
You just had to love them enough to
disappear.
Epilogue: After
the Rain
The city continued its eternal
rotation after Arjun's story ended, as cities do—absorbing one more tragedy
into its vast collection of human experiences, filing it away among the
millions of other stories that play out daily in the spaces between buildings
and beneath streetlights.
The news report, when it appeared
two days later on page seven of the local paper, was brief and factual:
"Software Engineer Dies in Apparent Suicide Outside Office Building."
There was no mention of love or devotion, no recognition of the elaborate
temple of feeling that had been constructed and destroyed in the span of a few
months. Just the basic facts of location, age, and cause of death that
constitute the official record of a life's conclusion.
Pratyusha returned to work after a
week's absence, moving through her days with a new quality of attention—not the
unconscious grace that had once characterized her movement through the world,
but the careful awareness of someone who had learned that being seen carries
responsibilities she had never considered.
She kept his phone number in her
contacts for months, unable to delete it but never calling it, as if
maintaining that digital connection could somehow preserve something of what
had existed between them. Sometimes, when the office grew quiet in the late
afternoon, she would find herself looking toward the corridor where he used to
pass, half-expecting to see his familiar silhouette appear with the punctuality
that had once organized his entire day around the possibility of glimpsing her.
The other residents of the building
moved through their routines unchanged, unaware that the geography of their
workplace had been transformed by the intensity of one person's attention. The
elevator continued its mechanical ascent and descent, the canteen served its
daily meals, the staircase beside Pratyusha's office carried its normal traffic
of people going about their ordinary business.
But in the space between what was
and what might have been, something lingered—not grief exactly, because grief
requires shared history, but a kind of resonant sadness for connections that
never quite complete themselves, for love that exists primarily in the lover's
imagination, for the ways that human hearts can create entire worlds around the
simple fact of another person's existence.
The bartenders at the establishments
Arjun had frequented noticed his absence the way service professionals notice
the absence of regular customers—as a small disruption in the familiar pattern
of commerce and human habit. Someone else took his usual stool, someone else
became the recipient of their practiced professional sympathy for whatever
damage required nightly chemical treatment.
In his small apartment, his landlord
eventually cleared out his belongings with the efficient neutrality of someone
accustomed to the transient nature of urban living. The clothes he had once
chosen with such care, the books that had helped him understand the difference
between loving and being loved, the small mementos of a life lived largely in
anticipation of moments that never arrived—all of it was sorted, donated, or
discarded according to the practical mathematics of estate disposal.
But stories, once they begin, have a
way of continuing even after their protagonists exit the stage. In the weeks
and months that followed, Pratyusha found herself changed by the knowledge of
having been loved with such devastating completeness. Not guilty—she had done
nothing wrong—but aware of the power that beauty carries in the world, of the
responsibility that comes with being someone else's source of meaning.
She dated more carefully after that,
paying attention not just to her own feelings but to the quality of attention
she received from others. She learned to recognize the difference between
healthy interest and the kind of fixation that transforms appreciation into
obsession, admiration into worship, love into the spiritual poison that had
consumed Arjun's ability to exist in the world without her.
The city's evening rhythms continued
their eternal cycle, carrying new stories of connection and disconnection, hope
and disappointment, love found and love lost. In the bars where people gathered
to forget their troubles, new customers took up the stools vacated by those who
had found other ways to manage their pain. In the office buildings where
professional life played out its daily dramas, new colleagues arrived to fill
the spaces left by those who had moved on to other opportunities or other
endings.
But in the particular corner of
human experience where devotion and distance intersect, where worship and
reality struggle to coexist, Arjun's story became part of the larger narrative
about the ways that love can both elevate and destroy, can transform ordinary
existence into something transcendent or consume it entirely in the fire of its
own impossible aspirations.
Some mornings, when the light fell
through her office window at exactly the right angle, Pratyusha would remember
the way it felt to be seen with such reverent attention, to be the unwitting
center of someone else's daily pilgrimage of observation and appreciation. Not
with nostalgia—the ending had been too painful for that—but with a kind of
wondering sadness for the beautiful and terrible things that human hearts are
capable of creating out of the simplest materials: proximity, attention, and
the stubborn belief that love, if pure enough and patient enough and complete
enough, can transform the ordinary world into something sacred.
The rain that had begun falling as
Arjun's story reached its conclusion continued intermittently through the
following weeks, washing the streets clean and nourishing the city's gardens
and parks where spring flowers would eventually bloom. Life persisted in its
ancient patterns of renewal and growth, indifferent to individual human drama
but somehow always ready to offer beauty to those who retained the capacity to
see it.
And sometimes, in the space between
raindrops, in the pause between heartbeats, in the moment when morning light
first touches the glass walls of office buildings where people gather to earn
their livings and sometimes find reasons to live, the echo of perfect devotion
could still be felt—not as sadness, but as proof that the human heart's
capacity for creating meaning from the smallest gestures, for finding the
sacred in the ordinary, for loving completely even when that love cannot be
returned, remains one of the most beautiful and most dangerous forces in the
world.
Some temples are built to last
forever. Others are built to burn beautifully, lighting up the sky for one
brief, transformative moment before collapsing into memory.
Both serve their purpose in the
larger architecture of human experience, and both deserve to be remembered not
for how they ended, but for the courage it took to build them in the first
place.
In the end, Arjun had succeeded in
creating exactly what he had set out to create: a love so pure it could exist
independently of its object, so complete it required nothing in return, so
perfect it could only be preserved by protecting it from the compromises and
disappointments that attend all real relationships.
It was not a sustainable love, but
it was an absolute one. And in a world full of conditional affections and
qualified commitments, there was something both tragic and heroic about a heart
that chose to love without limits, even when those limits might have saved it.
The city remembered him in the way
cities remember all their lost children—not with monuments or public
recognition, but by continuing to provide the stage on which other stories of
love and loss and longing could play out, each one unique but connected to all
the others by the common human desire to find meaning in connection, beauty in
attention, and purpose in the simple fact of caring deeply about someone else's
existence.
And in the quiet moments when
evening light slanted through office windows, when rain tapped gently against glass
walls, when the ordinary world seemed suddenly charged with possibility, those
who had known Arjun's story—or stories like it—might pause for a moment in
recognition of something both beautiful and fragile: the human heart's
inexhaustible capacity to create temples of devotion out of the simplest
materials, and to find in that creation something that transcends the
particular circumstances of its origin to become part of the larger song that
love sings in all its forms, successful and failed, requited and unrequited,
sustainable and impossible.
Some songs are meant to be sung to
the end. Others are meant to be beautiful precisely because they end before
they can be spoiled by the ordinary complications of continuation.
Arjun's was one of the latter, and
the city held it gently in its memory, along with all the other incomplete
songs that make up the full symphony of human longing.
— End —
Author's Note:
This novel explores the dangerous
beauty of unrequited love and the thin line between devotion and obsession. It
is dedicated to all the hearts that have learned to love completely, even when
that love could not be returned, and to the understanding that some forms of
beauty exist precisely because they are too pure to survive contact with the
world.
In memory of all the temples built
in the privacy of the human heart, and in recognition of the courage it takes
to love without guarantees.